monday again. got to sleep in which was nice cause I got to stay up late last night and watch the first few episodes of the new show I started: krakow monsters. it’s good so far. it was nice to sleep in for a day, just like it is every week, ya know. I feel like I’ve been very.. oh gosh, how do I explain it? like, I’ve been stopping in the middle of my space and not being able to restart or figure out what needs to be completed so I can do the next thing, and even then, having to figure out what the next thing is. just kind of lost I guess? but not lost in life, just unsure about how to continue to the next steps in my day. I did eat an apple this morning, which is solely important because I have been stuck on bagels and cream cheese for months now, however, the grocery store no longer has non dairy cream cheese which is the absolute worst thing to happen to an autistic person: their safe food being changed or no longer existent. very very not good, I will have to explore other stores in the area unfortunately.

school was okay today. my instructor went over what we were going to test on tomorrow for practicals, which was the full one time over shave. I obviously did not have a good experience with being in the barber shop doing my last practical, so this one is not about to be much better. I was literally standing there overheating and getting lowkey dizzy just watching him go over it, knowing I had to do my test out loud in the barber shop again tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to it. my classmate was like “you got this!” and honestly, that’s the worst part. I know I “got this” but whether I can get it out or not during the test in front of all my other classmates. I know I’ll probably do well on the written exam though so that’s a nice saving grace.

I did complete a set of pin curls. no walk-ins, which means, yet again, another day of not actually getting any practice haircutting. I’m honestly pretty upset that I am not getting the amount of practice in that I feel like I need, but I know that’s not something that can easily be amended, being in a small town and all. I did also start some finger waves. I eventually got some guidance from my instructor, which I didn’t know I needed, I really thought I was doing the thing, which, to be fair, I wasn’t too far off, I just needed to brush the hair differently. he showed me a few times, I tried it, he said that those were actually on the right track, which is highly frustrating cause that means I’ve actually been on the right track this entire time, thinking that the thing I was doing was the wrong thing. side note, I started off my morning with some edm so that was fun. but anyway, after I felt like I did the finger waves correctly, I washed out the gel and took out the rest of the pin curls, brushed the hair, etc, etc, but by that time, I was just ready to be done overall and stopped early. I cleaned up pretty early, and slowly, did my chores, and chilled until we got let out.

went to the grocery store and had a whole experience there. I really wish I could stop going outside so people would stop perceiving me. it wasn’t a bad thing, just too much overall. I was shopping about and thought I spotted another trans person. we both stared a little too long, which was not a big deal. he ended up coming up to me and apologizing for staring too long, just cause he didn’t have his glasses on. I just told him no worries, and that I just thought he was pretty, which is why I was staring. whatever, went about my shopping. we ended up bumping back into each other and he was like “well I thought you were pretty, do you want my number?” and like honestly, I absolutely do not have time for another person in my life, and I’m pretty stuck on the female track right now anyway with the girl I’m seeing. I also definitely did not think a simple compliment would go so far in that direction. but, thought it was cool, maybe make a new friend, idk. he’s definitely not trans unfortunately which is really the only reason for commenting in the first place. he seems cool, just more than I can take on right now. he’s also autistic though so we’ll see how it goes. I’ll probably just see him around and whatnot, but I just am not in the mood for more people.

must make an alfredo dinner and do some more studying. it’s just starting to rain here. it’ll be wet and cold all week here in my big world.