I swear my weekends are so much more packed than my weekdays.. I haven’t caught up in a couple days, so I’m gonna try to pack it all in here and remember the important things. I guess I would have left off what.. thursday? oh boy. okay. so friday then. things are going much better at work overall. now in terms of school, I had one of the roughest days I’ve ever had. we had to do a couple of practical exams, which we had to do one of those tuesday, which I did not do well at. I was really freaked out being one on one with my instructor having to go through this face map. so friday, we had to do more of the face map and also a facial practical. now, I really thought the facial was at least going to be in his office, just us two, HOWEVER, it was not. it was in the barber shop, with all my classmates around me. and I stupidly decided to go first cause I thought it would be in his office and I would have less stress. he unfortunately had to help me through most of it which was highly embarrassing, cause I couldn’t get the things out of my brain onto the mannequin. I was super flustered, was so hot, and getting dizzy. once we finished with that, he offered me a break, which I declined in order to push through my second practical so I could recoop from all of it, not just one at a time. yet again, I couldn’t get the things out onto the mannequin. I straight up told him the things I needed to do, cause I know I’ve got the info, but just couldn’t repeat it easily. I did take a “break” afterwards and went to my car to have a huge meltdown. it was really not okay, I was not breathing okay, super hot, and sobbing, not to mention the other fun thing that comes with meltdowns, hurting myself, yay. I don’t put this out there to get any sort of response, so please don’t feel bad for me if that was even a consideration. it’s just the way my brain works, it just happens, it’s whatever. but anyway, really bad time. I settled and went back in which felt dreadful. and that’s how my friday went. I tend to not remember much, especially moments like these, which I guess is half the reason for starting this blog, besides keeping you all up to date. I hope it’s keeping someone up to date on my life, at least keeps me up to date.

friday night though, I decided to go out, which, I was fully aware was a bad idea, considering I had a long day, was about to have another, and starting saturday morning really early. however, I make bad decisions sometimes for pretty girls, okay? fault me, whatever. I went out with the girl I’ve been seeing, which we are both aware is nothing serious, probably won’t be considering both of our anti dating sprees, and is really just for fun and friendship and other things that may come along with such a position. we went to this bar in downtown junction called quincy. it was packed and the music was boppin loud as fuck. of course I had my loops in (advertisement). but anyway, took her forever to show up but she looked SO good. goth as fuck, big chunky black boots, ripped floral fishnets, mini jean skirt, black crop top, SUPER solid fit, except she’s already taller than me and then added the chunky boots on top, homegirl had to come down to my level. the experience overall was really fun, but I also got super itchy about the small town vibes. you go out, you see everybody you know, you hear everybody’s drama, you drink, you cry, you avoid people you don’t like, etc. watching all that happen to girl and by proxy, me, was a huge vibe killer. I really did want to have fun, and I did, but also, I could have dealt without consoling her friend all night. I didn’t mind, but I was there to have fun and not deal with everybody’s small town drama and the “my friend isn’t being nice to me so I’m just going to ignore her” bullshit. we got to dance together and drink which was, well, I wouldn’t say needed, but definitely enjoyed. I got a vodka cran, a shot of fireball, and a green tea shot. I was fine until I was not. I think it was a combo of a lot of things that did not make me feel good, including something I ate from work that I probably shouldn’t have trusted and eating little before going out. this is a little jumbly, sorry. I did take her friend to my car to help calm her down and let her listen to music and vibe in there for a bit which did help her, she was just really going through it, having just found out her military man was cheating on her and had a baby with another girl.. so like, I get it, but also, I knew nobody, and I would have maybe preferred to keep it that way in that setting. anyway, got sick at the bar, thankfully in the bathroom, which was so helpful cause I really hate puking when I can’t be by myself in my own space. ended up going home and crashing out to try to be up early in the morning for work.

needless to say, work did not go well for me. I was throwing up every 5 minutes and got sent home within an hour of me being there. I felt SO bad for my boss who had to take on a busy saturday by himself, which I know he doesn’t mind, but still. I really shouldn’t have been that sick for that long just from drinking. I know the food issue was definitely the root cause cause I was puking up green, and not bile green, like veggie green, which is what I had eaten from work that I should not have trusted. my body reacted definitely more like I ate something I shouldn’t have. after I got home from work, I slept for a few hours on my bathroom floor until I had to go to the second job for the night. I felt like absolute shit honestly, but it was a slow night, so that was helpful. I got through it upright, thankfully. everybody was asking me how I was feeling, which was cool, but also, everybody knew I wasn’t feeling good and I hadn’t even been at work yet. such a small network between jobs.. I met a new person in town, who really is something out of a european beach romance. he was really pretty and does a lot with his life. definitely not my type, but also wing man’ed hard for my coworker. he was cool though and I hope he comes back around. went home, ate a little cause I hadn’t eaten most of the day, rested, and passed out.

this morning, I felt much better. work went well, suuuuper busy all day. I had fun, and it was nice to be busy. I did find it hard to keep up with everybody, but I don’t mind taking it one step at a time, it’s the customers that struggle to allow me to take my time to do all the things I need to do in order to be available to everyone and also do my job. I poured shit art today which made me sad but I don’t even care anymore. I want to do better, and I will, but I also am not going to beat myself up for not being where my coworkers are with their art. also, some of them can’t even, so I’m really not worried about it. closing took almost an hour, but I did make good money, enjoyed my time, and got out with enough time to get home to finish up the chapter I was working on and get some blog time in and then rest. I did eat, though I was struggling at work for a bit cause I didn’t eat for too long. homework was shorter than I thought thankfully. but yes, hopefully that is all the important info worth sharing over the time I missed. hope you all are well, I miss you deeply. our big world just keeps us apart!