another tough emotional day with my coworker. dealing with his shit is really exhausting. my friend said she would have lost it on him already and as much as we agree on that, I’m frustrated trying to be professional. I hold a lot of that emotion directed towards me and excising that amount given cannot seem to balance out with how much input I’m receiving. if anyone has self care activities that can help, please do reach out cause I’m in need.

I don’t know if I already mentioned how the people in town treat me in comparison to the way they treat my boss and coworker. I’ll greet them, ask how they are, ask how their day is and they will return the most blunt affect and short answers. some don’t even look at me. but immediately when they see the others, they brighten up and often completely ignore what I’m saying to chat. it’s really defeating on top of all of the other things at work. I’m trying my best to keep my head up but it’s a huge challenge to love myself through all of this. I’m really just trying my best and it’s so sad how consistently I have to remind myself of that. I’m already tired and I have at least 8 more months here..

speaking of being tired, I actually physically feel quite good. I can get up and get through the day, do it all, and still have leftover space for other things. not many other things, but some. I do feel myself getting more and more nauseated due to the stress but I am doing my best to relax some of that. I need as much downtime as I can get and try to take it consistently. my discipline suuuuucks. I am struggling to keep pushing myself through this routine. I have a deep lack of motivation issues. I really wish I knew why and what caused it and obviously how to fix it. I just have such little ability to get myself ready to do the thing and then do it.

school was okay today. we had an open day to work on the tasks we have to complete every month. I did a blow dry, flat iron, and started a wet set. I am not excited to finish that wet set and we have to do two (?) every month. also, we have to do finger waves twice a month. the level of patience one must have in order to get through these tasks is much. I don’t think I’m learning as much as I want to, I’m too busy trying to get through chapters and do hair cuts/styles on mannequins that I’ve only been taught once. it’s ridiculous how long these chapters have been. I started chapter 8 today and it is probably longer than 7. I do think the info is much easier, however, getting through the homework is still lengthy.

I think this whole thing would be so much easier without one component to my days. I am excited to be at work, I enjoy the work, and school is mostly fun. I’m easily keeping up with homework thus far. also, I’m keeping up with my house chores and plants. it being easier to feed myself has made a huge difference in my ability to do other things throughout the day. having the energy to ENJOY the big world around me has made a lot of difference in my mood and capacity to handle things thrown at me.