today was an early day again. I didn’t do my run and I’m starting to struggle to motivate myself on that one. otherwise, sticking to my routine. work was just as rough as it has been. I’ve been there for 3 weeks now at least and I feel like my growth has been so stunted. I really wish my coworker would LET me do things so that I can learn. I’m STILL messing up drinks and other things and it’s been embarrassing cause I know I can do better but I am not putting out the quality I know I can. I’m frustrated by the tension and wish it would stop being so hard. it doesn’t have to be hard. but those things combined have been a recipe for disaster. I don’t want to feel this way every day I go into work and I really don’t want to deal with someone’s unwarranted anger towards me.

I am getting faster at drinks, but it has been extremely difficult to navigate and assimilate into the little group there and be able to do my job. I am really struggling and I am so unsure about what to do. I know what I SHOULD do, which is deal with the conflict head on, but I just do not feel comfortable at all since my coworker and I are together alone 4 days a week. I really do not want this whole thing to become an issue, but I am emotionally exhausted and physically nauseated from stress. I should not have to feel that way.. ugh.

school went well. we learned the curling iron which I am not great at but neither are most of the people in my class. also, I had a wet set going, like MOST of the curlers were in except maybe 6, and I asked my instructor if that would work for signing off on that.. this man literally looked at me and said no, it has to be the whole head and you can either take them all out and follow along in class with the curling lesson, or you can finish them really quick. oh boy did I work so quick, but I did get it done before moving on to the curling.

after that, we did an up-do, something that someone would wear to a formal event. I tried SO hard on mine which was just dutch braids up the back of the head to space buns but man was it a challenge! I need to practice that one a lot. the design was at least able to be seen. also, I finally got an oil change from the auto kids at school and they said everything is looking good! it’s nice knowing my child is doing well.

after school, some classmates and I were wanting to smoke, which like, cool, come to mine, we’ll be good there. HOWEVER someone decided the fucking park was a better idea. it was not. it was cool until it wasn’t. we were smoking and drinking a beer outside, which I’m aware of the legality, so I’m hyper aware now. a cop rolled up across the parking lot and none of us were okay. we watched for a while, and he started to walk towards us. we got up so fast and walked off SO fast. we took off through the neighborhoods checking to see if anybody was following us. we walked through that neighborhood so fast. such unnecessary anxiety. we got out of there just fine but we really could have not had any of that happen. I did not need that extra anxiety in my body.

got home safely, took care of my plants, ate, now I am relaxing. taking the night off of homework. another early day tomorrow in my big world!