man, how did we make it to wednesday again already? about to start my heavy schedule weekend. today was a long long day. work this morning was fine, nothing too exciting to report. I think I’ve figured out that my coworker is not a people person before waking up a little more, which is highly frustrating to be ostricized for an hour until he gets there. things are going smoother overall. he does actually initiate conversation now, wow, cool. the cure came on at work today. it always makes me think of my ex, who used to listen to the cure when he was sad. that lil personal fact I think is one of the sweetest things about him. I do miss him as an idea. being without each other day to day is what we both needed though, sadly enough. amazing human and I do always wish the best for him. he deserves good things. I’m sure I will be mentioning my adoration for him a lot, now that we have space. things were so different when we were together. I was constantly angry and exhausted. my mental has done a 180 since then, which I’m really grateful for. still trying to get back on my feet though. I am regaining my energy slowly doing things I enjoy with people I like. but anyway.. the first job went pretty smoothly, though my coworker really doesn’t verbally communicate much, making it 10 times harder than it needs to be. ugh ANYWAY.

I chose fuckin violence at school today, oh my goodness. I CHOSE to try my luck again at finger waves. I spent pretty much the whole class trying to get ONE section done. I did one or two waves a couple of times, but otherwise, I didn’t get any more out than that which was HIGHLY frustrating. I did actively choose to do this to myself, fully knowing the consequences, however.. I still went after it. it was hard to watch some of my classmates get it today, while I struggled the whole class. my self esteem emotionally took a dive, though I’m really trying my hardest to stay on top of my emotions, what I’m telling myself, yada yada. all the things. logically, I completely understand that it’s a learning process and I learn things faster than some, while some learn faster than me, yeah, yeah, I know. regardless, those are the things I’m currently struggling with.

ooh, I did get a pedicure during class today from the nail techs though so that was nice. it was really helpful to get a break in and not completely running myself into the ground with finger waves. it was shorter than I expected and the technique didn’t turn out great, but it was great to get to do during class. the polish wasn’t curing and my tech was so confused as to why, because the timer was counting down, but the light hadn’t been coming on, which neither of us happened to notice. thankfully, one of the instructors did; honestly kind of funny considering our lack of training and fully understanding that happening. what was really sweet was that she couldn’t figure out what gendered language to use, she kept catching herself and trailing off whenever she realized she didn’t know. it was absolutely adorable and really cool on my part. so many people are unsure now which is definitely exactly what I’ve needed for a while. I’m so sick of being girl.. I could ramble all about it, but that says enough for now. I did tell her to surprise me with a color and she chose this super cool dragon scale green, that I’m really happy with. I didn’t know about getting a color, but honestly, it’s kind of fun, and you can’t see them regularly, so who cares?

also, we have this media days thing coming up on friday that I volunteered for. I caught the lady running it today to ask some questions about what exactly was all entailed. the only really important part to all that was that I asked if I should bring my tools for the photos. that answer was something like “no you don’t need them because we’ll have you fill out a form and at the bottom, you’ll write in “I want to be holding clippers” (etc) and then we’ll just run it through an AI program and add in all of the props.” the way I could not control my face.. oh my. she definitely was like “unless you don’t want that?” like no, lady, why on god’s green fuckin earth would I prefer you to AI over my photo, when I paid I don’t even know how much for these tools. homegirl.. AI is just not a necessary part of all of this. that really threw me for a loop honestly.

after school, came home, ate, changed, etc. for my grove shift. it was quite slow for a while and then picked up an hour before we closed. I was not particularly happy, but I’m glad I was occupied. my boss and FOH manager walked up while I was studying, balancing my notebook on the edge of the counter and bottom of the espresso machine. my boss goes “it looks like seda’s about to fall asleep”. ahem actually no girl, I got my nose in a book, it just looks like it. quite a funny ha ha moment. I got to make my coworker a fun drink after work too. I mixed sprite, tobacco bitters, hibiscus syrup, NA gin, and a little lime. it honestly turned out quite yummy. mixing weird flavors together is a specialty of mine. the lady who offered me the haircutting opportunity came back today. I got her number and she’s going to pass it on to all the right people to get me in to start practicing cutting hair on the folx she works with. very exciting stuff right there. she climbs which is rad and she enjoys splitter cracks like I do. her boyfriend is in bolivia right now and has been for a couple months and calls in to the grove to order her food to pick up. that’s some loyal shit right there. he sends flowers to her house twice a week too. it’s wild. okay, I’m exhausted and need to sleep before my early shift tomorrow and test at school that I definitely have not studied for as much as I should have. crossing my fingers I do well. I’m competing for highest grade in the class; must win! ugh, it’s the little things here in my big world.