the emotions of today were so drastically up and down. work went okay, school was rough for a while and second work was great. my morning coffee shifts are getting so much better. I’m getting past the who are you? stage with the customers and am starting to remember people’s orders and names and people know mine. I’m glad overall, things feel much better. I’m making most of the drinks now since my coworker realized that having me on drinks is apparently the best way to keep the peace and flow. he does a lot, however, it also is specifically appreciated to have my own space and flow, which is extremely challenging when there’s no verbal communication going on.. still. he will literally stand behind me silent until I move out of the way for him to put something back or whatever it is he has to do. it’s quite odd honestly. also, more and more people are addressing me as sir and being confused about my gender which is the coolest feeling ever cause that’s all I’ve ever wanted from this whole thing, just to not be girl anymore, at least until I open my mouth.

side note: learning I have autism, adhd, and ocd tendencies makes it considerably more itchy when people say they have a “touch of the ’tism” or consider themselves “a little on the spectrum”.. like guys, you have no fuckin clue. you have no idea how difficult my days are because of this neurodevelopment disorder I and many others deal with every day. I literally almost had a full meltdown in class today because my appointment didn’t show up. yall are not autistic, I promise you that. yall also don’t understand how detrimental adhd is to my daily routines if you actually just think you have a little adhd. you either have it or you don’t. I don’t have less autism than the next autistic person next to me, I just have lower needs than some and I learned how to mask my daily struggles better to fit in. I’m having a harder and harder time allowing space for the kind of language that minimizes the true struggle of neurodivergence.

my bosses went out of their way to make me burritos today which is the kindest thing ever that they feed me when they don’t make anything specifically vegan at the restaurant in the first place. they both have been so kind to me and I truly would do anything for them. they’re both so cool and do their best to make sure I’m appreciated and cared for. I messaged one of them this morning to thank her for the burritos and told her I’m going to get her back someday and her response was “you are enough! I appreciate you being here” which was honestly flooring cause I’m not used to that, much less from a boss. I’m glad to have adjusted to the jobs I’m at.

oh man, school.. *takes deep breath* what a fuckin day. I went in a little early to be a part of media days which is where they take photos of me to post on banners and websites and student outreach kind of stuff to showcase the programs they offer. I did enjoy it, as I do, considering I loved modeling for so long. I do miss it. my classmate asked me today to teach him about being in front of a camera and also more about how to take better pictures. it was cool for someone to request my knowledge about a topic I enjoy and have a lot of personal experience info about. I got to show off my old modeling photos which of course blew everyone’s minds. I really did get some awesome poses in and I’m excited to see how they turn out. I’m just really hoping they don’t edit them too poorly. my instructor showed us a photo of last year’s teacher’s costumes for halloween that had been sent through AI and turned into a more cartooned version. very very not good, especially then right after, him showing us the original which was obviously oodles better than the ridiculous AI.

I had checked my appointment book earlier for my schedule and was pretty confident it was at 12:30 but it actually ended up being at 1:15 so I did a wet set and an updo, both of which turned out significantly better than they have before. I’m learning more and getting used to the partings, movements, and technique. I’m just now realizing I forgot to video/photograph the progress, but I have more time for that. so this is where it gets really bad for me really quickly. my appointment didn’t show up (and didn’t call for that matter) but everyone else’s did. I have gotten the least haircuts in class and have not yet gotten a short hair cut in. we’ve been cutting long enough now that I should really be farther along. as an autistic person, I struggle with changes in plans and schedules, especially last minute changes. I really thought it would be something I could handle better but the more time went on, the worse I felt. I was fully on the verge of crying and having a full blown meltdown in class. that’s one thing about autism, the extreme reactions to changes fully taking over your entire self, both physical and mental. I got through it without crying or taking a break to freak out, but I was struggling hard to keep my shit together. my classmate kept trying to play absolutely terrible rap music, so we all kept trying to change it back to something better. my other classmate threw on some sea shanties which seriously changed my mood 180 degrees. I needed that so bad. it was really cool he recognized that would be a positive thing for me. after that, I had a much better time. I was really disappointed though that my cut didn’t show up. however, I do have one scheduled for monday, and my coworker might come in monday too which I’m excited for. hopefully they both come in. we are going to the VA thursday so I actually might be able to get some practice in.

work #2 went really well. one of my coworkers told me he’d be starting at doghouse on tuesday which is honestly the highest point of my day to not have to be alone with my coworker at doghouse anymore. it’ll be really nice breathing room for me and maybe take some of the heat off me. I had a lot of fun working with people I don’t see very often. I got to meet new customers and it was a pretty slow night, so I didn’t have to do much. I do have an annoying amount of homework to do over the weekend though so not having tonight to work on that will probably set me back just a bit. I do have plenty of time, just a lot of homework. it’s also been awesome that my coworkers have been working so hard on my pronouns. one of them treats me like a guy which is so cool, we dap up, say bro, it’s a vibe, chill, ya know idk it’s different and so much more comfortable. definitely feels safer than getting smacked on the ass twice by a customer at work. glad to be seen as a bro any day over that.

early doghouse day tomorrow and then I’m gonna do what’s called a color drive, just to go see the trees changing colors. I am excited about that after work. it will be more time away from homework but I need it anyway and it’s one of the things I have to do around here. need much sleep before going out to see mother nature work her magic on this big world.